I'm running out of time; can't find words to describe, all the worries in my eyes. Sad is not enough, Depressed is ignored, Shy is contradictory, Crazy is too scary. Dumb? Not completely. Weak? There are hidden strengths. Ignorant? But I'm aware. Immature? What about my experiences? Too distant from emo, Not really quiet. Talk too much? Indeed. Confident? I can't see. If responsible, then why am I often hiding? If reliable, then why am I accused of lying? You want me dead, You want me gone, But you can't speak out the truth. I'm waiting, I'm waiting here for you; But time is always, always punching me through. It moves too fast, I can never catch up to you. Glorious, ambitious, overpowered, No longer seems to be true. Love is too complicated. I can only follow, what's told to be true. Devil, evil, hell, Too religious and don't appeal to me. Darkness and shadow, I no longer want to lose. Tiredly, I see the demons inside. It is the dark protecting me from light. Even my skin prefers the night over the sun. Shadow, Darkness, the Moon, Stars, Dark Energy, Dark Matter, and the Black Hole. It is from nature and the universe where I find The accurate words to describe. Scared of being alone, and lonely for most of my life. Empty, except when anxiety rushes inside. Desperate, Fearful, Afraid, Anxious, Stressed, and Worried. Kindness, that's not accepted. Hatred, which I try to fight. Loneliness! It haunts my mind. Ugly, is what my body and face decide. Loyal, but unappreciated. Caring, but shut outside. Envious, but aware I have no right. Justice, but brought down by politics. Modern rock finds my strength inside, Instruments, I wish I did in another life. I worry talking too much about myself, It is the dark warrior, feelings its death, but continues to fight.
I'm too tired to explain, What's going on in my brain. Shit are just too complicated. I just wanted you to know, That there's no hope for tomorrow. I'm just sitting here waiting to die. I don't know what to expect, There is no hope left. My future can get worse in too many ways. It's hard for me to love myself, When i cannot get help. My physical and mental health keep on crashing down. There's the Evil Darkness inside me, but it's not as bad as it seems. I'm more dead with my anxiety. I'd rather live in my horrible dreams. But in the end, whatever I say, Is empty space, I can't even get a diagnosis anyway.
Try your best to be the same person both in front of others and under the cover of darkness
Think about the effects those around you have on you, it can be personality, beliefs, or certain opinions, then think about your effects on them. Do this, and you will gain a better understanding of you and your environment. I believe this to also be a part of critical thinking.
Any amount of small happiness deserves to be celebrated, doing this, will bring you a more positive perspective and more happiness to come. Very little is needed to make a happy life.
Courage is one of those inner strengths you can always find within yourself, if you look for it.