While many old Americans believe in conspiracy theories like climate change being a hoax or not real, we younger Americans know that climate change is the single biggest threat facing our world right now. The situation is at its worst at any point in history as carbon dioxide levels are at the highest levels ever recorded in the atmosphere. Carbon dioxide, as a greenhouse effect, creates many negative problems for the world. It is the most dangerous greenhouse gas because it traps heat energy and keeps the heat energy close to Earth’s surface rather than letting the heat energy be released into space. This creates rising temperatures on Earth, in a phenomenon called global warming. This causes “extreme weather events, shifting wildlife populations and habitats, rising seas, and a range of other impacts”. Meaning that it is a huge threat to human society and biodiversity. This is a dire situation we Americans are in as we have already seen the effects of climate change in recent years, ranging from the California wildfires, hurricanes, and rising sea levels making our beaches disappear. But what many don’t see are the invisible effects of rising carbon dioxide levels such as air pollution and respiratory diseases. All these effects don’t also point to one cause. But two significant causes of the rising carbon dioxide levels are pollution from corporations and the fossil fuel industry and the overpopulation of humans.
It is of great importance for all of humanity and America to come up with a valid solution to reduce the carbon dioxide coming from these two causes. Thus, I propose what I believe is the final solution to tackle climate change: kill all the old people ages 65 and over. We will conduct this genocide by first rounding up the old people like cattle, shoving them into gas stations, releasing carbon monoxide from their cars into the gas station, burying all the dead bodies in areas where forests were cut down, and planting tree seeds on top of their dead bodies so the trees can use the nutrients from the dead bodies to grow tall and suck more carbon dioxide from the atmosphere.
Those thinking they have common sense may claim that this proposal is somehow radical or too crazy, but clearly, they haven’t read Jonathan Swift’s proposal. The fact is, my proposal is nowhere radical nor crazy, it is an effective solution to a global crisis caused by old people that have been tried and succeeded in the past. It was done by the Mongolians under Genghis Khan, who with virtue and grace, decided to help combat climate change and remove 700 million tonnes of carbon from the atmosphere by killing many innocent people, which led to fewer people emitting carbon dioxide from their breathing and reforestation on unused cultivated lands of farmers and landowners who are now dead. It has throughout history been humans who cleared forests and other plant species that suck carbon dioxide from the atmosphere but Genghis Khan decided to protect the environment and caused global cooling instead of global warming. There have also been several other mass deaths events that occurred throughout history like the Bubonic plague but so far, it is only the Mongol invasions that killed enough people to show a significant recovery of the environment, which is also why we must kill enough old people so we can reach the number of deaths required to cool our environment. The Mongolians should be our model because unlike us, they did not cause the environment to suffer, they instead helped the environment and proved that by just simply killing a lot of people.
The reason I chose to target old people ages 65 and older instead of any other age group is that they tend to care less about the environment than young people, and they are growing in number. It is common sense that America’s younger populations tend to care more about climate change than the older population. It is also true that there are more older people that deny climate change is real than young people. So if we kill all old people 65 and over, we are effectively increasing the percentage of Americans that support combating climate change and have politicians that support fighting climate change win their elections because there are fewer old people to vote against combating climate change. This way we can create big changes in politics to support fighting climate change and the small cost of just some random old people living in our country. During our genocide of old people 65 and older, we should make sure we kill all old people that fall under the category because their populations are growing faster than ever at a rapid growth that’s projected to be at 98 million people 65 and older, which means more carbon dioxide emissions from their mouths to pollute the environment.
Of course, there will be those few that would be unwilling to let their parents and grandparents be killed as part of this final solution, despite us willing to see entire families die and lose their homes because of global warming and rising sea levels. But, they will change their mind when they think about the lives of both old and young people already lost due to air pollution and natural disasters caused by climate change. Unless they are ignorant enough to believe climate change is not caused by humans, that is, which is something no one in our currently scientifically advanced and developed society would say. The reality is that old people over 65 just already lived their lives long enough, surely they won’t mind dying a bit earlier than expected. Anyways old lives aren’t that important when there are 331 million people’s lives in America. Especially since we are using these old people’s lives to exchange for more trees, it’s totally a great deal! This proposal will not only help save America from climate change, but it will also get rid of some old dead weight.
While many old Americans believe in conspiracy theories like climate change being a hoax or not real, we younger Americans know that climate change is the single biggest threat facing our world right now. The situation is at its worst at any point in history as carbon dioxide levels are at the highest levels ever recorded in the atmosphere. Carbon dioxide, as a greenhouse effect, creates many negative problems for the world. It is the most dangerous greenhouse gas because it traps heat energy and keeps the heat energy close to Earth’s surface rather than letting the heat energy be released into space. This creates rising temperatures on Earth, in a phenomenon called global warming. This causes “extreme weather events, shifting wildlife populations and habitats, rising seas, and a range of other impacts”. Meaning that it is a huge threat to human society and biodiversity. This is a dire situation we Americans are in as we have already seen the effects of climate change in recent years, ranging from the California wildfires, hurricanes, and rising sea levels making our beaches disappear. But what many don’t see are the invisible effects of rising carbon dioxide levels such as air pollution and respiratory diseases. All these effects don’t also point to one cause. But two significant causes of the rising carbon dioxide levels are pollution from corporations and the fossil fuel industry and the overpopulation of humans.
It is of great importance for all of humanity and America to come up with a valid solution to reduce the carbon dioxide coming from these two causes. Thus, I propose what I believe is the final solution to tackle climate change: kill all the old people ages 65 and over. We will conduct this genocide by first rounding up the old people like cattle, shoving them into gas stations, releasing carbon monoxide from their cars into the gas station, burying all the dead bodies in areas where forests were cut down, and planting tree seeds on top of their dead bodies so the trees can use the nutrients from the dead bodies to grow tall and suck more carbon dioxide from the atmosphere.
Those thinking they have common sense may claim that this proposal is somehow radical or too crazy, but clearly, they haven’t read Jonathan Swift’s proposal. The fact is, my proposal is nowhere radical nor crazy, it is an effective solution to a global crisis caused by old people that have been tried and succeeded in the past. It was done by the Mongolians under Genghis Khan, who with virtue and grace, decided to help combat climate change and remove 700 million tonnes of carbon from the atmosphere by killing many innocent people, which led to fewer people emitting carbon dioxide from their breathing and reforestation on unused cultivated lands of farmers and landowners who are now dead. It has throughout history been humans who cleared forests and other plant species that suck carbon dioxide from the atmosphere but Genghis Khan decided to protect the environment and caused global cooling instead of global warming. There have also been several other mass deaths events that occurred throughout history like the Bubonic plague but so far, it is only the Mongol invasions that killed enough people to show a significant recovery of the environment, which is also why we must kill enough old people so we can reach the number of deaths required to cool our environment. The Mongolians should be our model because unlike us, they did not cause the environment to suffer, they instead helped the environment and proved that by just simply killing a lot of people.
The reason I chose to target old people ages 65 and older instead of any other age group is that they tend to care less about the environment than young people, and they are growing in number. It is common sense that America’s younger populations tend to care more about climate change than the older population. It is also true that there are more older people that deny climate change is real than young people. So if we kill all old people 65 and over, we are effectively increasing the percentage of Americans that support combating climate change and have politicians that support fighting climate change win their elections because there are fewer old people to vote against combating climate change. This way we can create big changes in politics to support fighting climate change and the small cost of just some random old people living in our country. During our genocide of old people 65 and older, we should make sure we kill all old people that fall under the category because their populations are growing faster than ever at a rapid growth that’s projected to be at 98 million people 65 and older, which means more carbon dioxide emissions from their mouths to pollute the environment.
Research and sources used:
The Philosophy Emperor 